I Am Fighting
by Quinne Darkover
Every day I am in a battle. One that is slow and drawn out and others see only a few of the wounds from the skirmishes. Biggest wound is I am tired, totally drained. I sleep a lot, not because I am lazy but because my body is in a war. A fight with cancer I don’t dare lose.
Treatments drain me every time. I sleep not because I want to but because the energy is gone. At times my guts are a casualty and rebel. That takes even more from the energy reserves and makes planning to do things when I am up hard to do. No regular schedule to that, to make planning ahead easy.
Don’t be alarmed when I lose some weight, or my mind drifts, or maybe even some hair falls out. They are causalities in this fight.
Irritating, distracting things sap off more even though they are small in of themselves. Rashes, itching, and even favorite foods create little interest at times. I’ve turned to grazing. Small bits of food every few hours, nothing big to overload the stomach. Spicy foods can become a small nuclear bomb with no warning.
Please understand I am fighting, my body is fighting and it is a hard war. I am not as social as I want to be. Small projects are not so small for me to do. Even after treatments are done, the effects may continue for a month or two, so give me time to get back on my feet. I am fighting.
What can you do? Be patient. Understand. Let me do what I can to show myself I still have fight left. Be there if I ask and don’t be surprised if it is something simple.
I plan to win.
I am fighting.